When I first put a homepage on the web, my description of myself went something like this...
I can juggle water molecules. I collect interesting root vegetables and paint them yellow. I am a member of the West Sussex Peculiar Gentlefolk and Hang-gliding Club. My middle name is Twiggy. I have feelers instead of eyes and smell of copper sulphate. I am a medium-sized non-profit organisation based in Durham. When I yawn, all the traffic lights in Manchester turn red. On my last holiday, I simultaneously went everywhere in the universe. My hair is made of stainless steel and excretes milk when stroked. Small children use me as a yo-yo on Thursdays. I know 73 languages, but not all at the same time. My favourite word is whelk.
That's obviously just stupid. My favourite word is actually arse.
To find out more about me, read on. If you don't have the attention span to read all the way to the end, the conclusion is that I'm a small town in The Netherlands. Hooray!
So who am I really? I'm 42, I live in the South of England, but was born in the North of England (see map below). I was schooled at the fine institution called Crossley & Porter Grammar School (I believe it is now known as Crossley Heath or some such nonsense) in Halifax, and then spent three years doing studenty things at the University of Manchester Institute of Science & Technology, or UMIST to you. I now support a website / ecommerce system for a living, I own a couple of American cars, (a Mustang and a Dodge Dakota), and I'm no longer learning Japanese (but I was). I'm vegetarian. I like to travel as much as possible. I work for British Airways, but if you're thinking of e-mailing me a dumb question, please note the following important points.
A Quick Geography Lesson
This is a rough guide to where I have spent most of my life. If you're British, or good at geography, you'll realise that the arrows just fail to point to Halifax, Manchester and Heathrow. No more clues.
Note that it was easier for me to take my washing home for my mum to do when I was at university than it is now I live in the South. This is but one example of life's general unfairness.
I hope that's cleared a few things up. I also send out postcards to anyone who asks for one, as long as they live outside the U.K. So far I have sent out a grand total of... let me see, now... three.
Anyway, why don't you have a peek at some of the other fine pages I've gone to enormous time and effort to provide? Why not start with my travelogue or my loves and hates page? Another fave page is the photos of Japan page, and if you happen to be Japanese, check out my Japanese homepage (you'll need to be able to read Japanese fonts!). For people who are as daft as me, see my student recipes, or undergo my famous telepathy experiment. If you want to see what I look like, visit this page, or you can just plain old e-mail me and chat about the weather. If you feel the need to send me poetry, then please do so. You might also find the index page, with links to every single page on my site, useful. Enjoy, my proud loved ones, enjoy.
Employers: You will obviously want to offer me a highly-paid job after seeing my fine work displayed here, so I have now provided my resumé / CV for you to marvel at. C'mon, snap me up before it's too late...
Girls: I'm taken.
© Andy Holten 2007